something has been on my mind

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

On Facebook it has been reoccurring to me that people .... tend to shove "parenting skills" down peoples throats. Not saying its bad to notify people but I am gunna give my point of view on it. 

1. Is car seats which I totally own up to posting a few links on how a child should properly be in a car seat. My number one things are stay rear facing as long as possible. What I mean by that is go as long as you can (does not matter if your kid is older than a year and more than 20lbs.) until baby reaches 40 lbs or the height max on our convertible car seat. They have proven that it is safer and if it is safer and manageable ... WHY NOT? 

2. Breastfeeding. Now a huge thing going around is places, shows, movies, FACEBOOK, or w/e is against breastfeeding in public or showing it which IMO is dumb because you can show just about all of a women besides her nips and crack and girl parts on TV but if a mom is breastfeeding discretely it is seen as disgusting? or inappropriate? I am all for breastfeeding because when it comes down to it breast is best BUT some people can't because they have had emotional issues, don't want to (which is totally fine because if the baby is getting fed proper nutrients then you are doing great!), can't, or were not properly informed. 

Here is my breastfeeding story in short:
I went into the end of my pregnancy saying I am going to breastfeed and have this child natural and that is how it is going to be. Well how it ended up is different. 1st of all my water broke and I didn't realize it was my water (it was leaking not like a "gush") and so it had broke at 10 am and I went to the hospital at like 8 pm so around 10 they told me I needed pitocin because they didn't want any infections which I really didn't want ANY drugs but I was not progressing. I was lucky because I never felt any pain till I was around 6-7. I ended up doing it without ANY pain meds. Now breastfeeding came along and when I look back at it, it was worst then the birthing process and emotionally damaging. The reason I say that is because I had about 3 different people (nurses) and one Lactation consultant at the hospital "teaching" me. Now the way I was taught was SHOVE THE BOOB straight into their mouth (feeling like I was getting a mammogram every time) and it hurt and took a toll on my body and boob and my "emotion/feelings" because it hurt so bad so I was discouraged and felt like I wasn't a good mom because it hurt to feed him and I didn't know if I could do it. Fast forward to his 1st doctors appointment he had lost "too much" weight and he told me to supplement with formula and the emotions I felt was a rush of guilt, anger, sad, disappointment, and being the worst mother. Here I am the source of his food and I'm not doing my job to give it to him. Later the base lactation consultant came over and her way was much more easier but it still hurt (my boobs were cracked, sore, hurt, aching, and again all the emotions were still there). I tried off and on to breastfeed and we finally got a pump but breastfeeding always hurt. I ended up pumping till he was 3 months old and supplemented with formula. He's now (9 months old) on formula and he is a healthy boy. There are are a lot of things I wish I did different and will next baby. I never attempted breast shields (didn't even think of it at the time). After the next baby is born I want the least amount of interaction with the nurses (they bug you like every 30 minutes; I left after 24 hours after giving birth because they bug you so much). I will be storing as much milk as possible in the freezer for those JUST IN CASE moments. Some other things but now that I know I can give birth naturally, breastfeeding is my next challenge with next baby and I know it shouldn't be a challenge but it is and was not as easy as I thought or some people have got it. 

One of the points I was trying to get across is when you post and constantly shove breastfeeding down peoples throat ... you do not know why they don't or can't. Every time I hear about breastfeeding or it comes up in conversation, a piece of me dies because I wanted to succeed at it so badly and ... it did not work out for me in that way. I am so for it and so happy lots of mommies can do it and I envy them.  But before you judge and say why aren't you breastfeeding think... maybe she can't, maybe something happened, maybe she was taught wrong. Just because you do it doesn't make you a better or you love your child more than that mom does. 

3. Last but not least Cloth diapering. I own about 20 cloth diapers and do I do it at the current moment? no. have I? yes. I can see why moms do it and good for them for keeping that up. I think it is great and I am all for it. But the same thing goes for this situation. Do not think you are better or love your child more than a person using disposable. As long as that diaper isn't hurting your child or he/she isn't sitting in that diaper all day then don't judge.

Basically what I am saying (and I am guilty of it at times too) but do not judge or think you are a better parent or love your child more than the next mom because she does not parent like you do. If the child is safe, healthy, getting what he/she needs then who are you to judge and think you are superior. 

I get that this is a different post than the usual but this is MY blog and I have been thinking about it for a while and did not want to start a angry topic on my Facebook or debate. 

Thanks for listening. 

See you in the next post . . .



Sarcasey said...

Girl I agree!! People are always shoving parenting opinions down each other's throats. Did you see my last post? I posted a picture of me holding Joseph and got told I was a bad mom because I held him too much. That pissed me off!
I'm sorry that people have been pushy on you, and I'm sorry you had such a rough time with breast feeding. Hopefully like you said with the next baby it will be better.
People are always going to be rude and pushy, I know it's hard but try not to let them get to you.
ps I'm sorry if my car-seat safety posts have gotten on your nerves I didn't mean to do that :)

everything under the sun flowers said...

Oh no I think the car seat safety post are very important. Like I know some people ... that's about all they post about like some people the only thing their post are about is baby wearing, or if you don't breastfeed you are the worst parent and so forth. But I am all for informing people because I sure didn't know about properly picking out a car seat and how to buckle Louis in till someone posted about it. I think a lot of parents don't know how or they buy a super deluxe expensive car seat and they think just because its safe (but they don't properly buckle the kid in it's suppose to keep them safe).

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